Writing is my first love... next to God and my family, this has been my passion ever since I started to love the way words form together to represent your very thoughts...
BUT...
sometimes...love can be so engulfing...
it's been more than two months now when i had long search for that one peaceful and uninterrupted sleep beginning at 9 o'clock in the evening... how i long for that...
these days, i have to go home late at night (11 in the evening or up), with empty stomach, to a forlorn bed since my sister will be asleep already. pathetic. i have to quell the pangs of hunger if only to sleep the remaining hours of the night before i then open my eyes to a brand new day of mentoring...i wake up at 5 am despite keeping long hours at night...last night i broke into tears 'cause of these instances... if my mom's here...i will never be hungry and will have someone to tell how my day went...
these days, i seem to have gotten more than what i bargained for...before, i just wish to God that i be able to write something (a thing or two in a piece of paper or a card for the "monthsary" ek...) despite the busy sked, if only to remember the fact that i can write pretty well, now, all these deadlines -- writing deadlines...that is, haunt me! even in sleep! my writing deadlines are way too high and big for me...more than what i expected...gosh! truly, you have to be very careful of what you wish for...
these days, i seem to forego many things in favor of my being here in makati-- working and writing...although going to church and talking with my sister are still part of the itinerary for the week...but i miss being able to sit by my door to watch all my neighbors go to and fro on a lazy afternoon...or being able to feed the stray cats that flocked my doorstep every so now and then (how can i feed them, when i dont have the luxury of cooking anymore!)... now, weekend only means one thing...LAUNDRY! hay!
these days, i dont even know what's going on around the nation for i also have foregone the luxury of reading newspapers and watching news, in favor of these deadlines...before, i cant wait for the news for it will be aired way too late at night. now, when i arrive home the news is being aired but i will be too tired and sleepy to watch...what the...!
these days, i am constantly busy and frequently out of my own sanity...doing my best to deliver the "goods" expected of me... but God! i cant even stop and smell the flowers! darn! just when i thought not having a boyfriend is great for now i will have a great time being alone and doing all those crazy stuff i can do...alone! however, i can't seem to appreciate that now anymore, 'cause you know what, i dont have the time to be alone and idly laze around for i have to WRITE!!!! so engulfing...
oh God, i miss lazing on my bed while staring at the ceiling and thinking of my most recent "apple of the eye", silently contemplating my next move to land him! hehehehe...now, i am also deprived of that! i miss walking and playing under the rain with those kids who i have for neighbors, i miss our long and lengthy breakfast with my sister/brother as we try and catch up with our day-to-day lives, i even miss dressing up (!) 'cause i dont have time to choose my clothes for the fear of being late to work, my attire would just be confined to what's basic and what's appropriate and handy...gosh! i even miss texting friends just for the heck of consuming my "all-text" load...now my load gets zapped by my network provider for i cant use them all...
tell me...do i sound pathetic just because i love to write?
BUT...hey! cheer up ruby! what the heck are you complaining for? see the brighter side of things: oh well, there will always be my great moments spent with my "kids" during class discussions, my time spent watching Heroes and CSI, my time spent idly pampering my hair during bath time, my time playing all those old silly records that my old colleagues would sing with (inside our faculty room)... my bonding moments with friends (coffee, videoke and a bottle of vodka ice!), times spent planting and receiving kisses from my niece and nephew? times happily spent walking along the long overpass/pathway of landmark going to rufino ( my three-times-a-week exercise! get to sweat, real sweat ha?!) walking under the rain with kim, mary faith, sarah, culver and alvin after a day's work in ayala ave, and you know what's great?...i get to walk three times a week in the proud and stifling ayala ave without the noise and buzz of the impersonal people that fills it (i get to go home way too late to mess with the throng of people and the traffic!)...this is way so cool and different from its everyday set up!
well, well, funny...life isn't bad after all...what's important is i do get to work for everything i want and i need...and i get to be paid for doing what i love truly...WRITE.
No comments:
Post a Comment